No More Fairs for Me

Yesterday, we spent the day with DH's family. We went to Kentfest in the afternoon to see family and eat fair food, and then went back at night for the fireworks. I've decided - no more fairs for me. For that matter, I think I will be avoiding the following:

-All fairs and festivals
-The mall, especially at night or during weekdays
-The zoo
-The grocery store during the day
-The baby department at Target
-Anywhere else we are likely to run into babies. Especially teenagers with babies.

I know that everyone has the God-given right to have children, but from what I've noticed lately, God loves an idiot. Kent was like a walking advertisement for teen pregnancy yesterday, not to mention a stroller ad. We saw babies everywhere. We see dirty babies, people who are ignoring their babies, and I even heard someone yelling at their toddler last night for crying during the fireworks because they were scared.

All I have to say is, IT'S NOT FAIR. No, life doesn't have to be fair. I am sure that everyone we saw yesterday loved their babies, and I can imagine at least one set of parents there may have struggled with infertility. Maybe. But the rest of the people I think would be fair to put into the "Oops" category, or the giggling, "All he has to do is look at me and I get pregnant" category. I just don't get it. I can no longer imagine having a baby just because we had sex. It can't possibly happen that way. Babies for us mean money and science, and struggle. Maybe it's for a reason. Maybe I'll appreciate it more when we are parents. Maybe God just hates us and doesn't want us to have babies.

We had to leave last night because in the middle of a crowd of people listening to the band, I felt like I was about to burst into tears. I have infertility outbursts sometimes, but that is the first one that hit me like that in a crowd. I looked at DH and told him, "I need to go home right now" and he must have seen on my face what was going on because we took off. I am blessed to have a loving and supportive husband. I am lucky to have a MIL who doesn't talk much and a Mom who dealt with infertility herself. I don't have to deal with stupid comments very often, but I swear to God there are babies everywhere I go.

I'm hoping that last night's outburst means that AF might be on her way. I'm 9dpo, and ready to get moving on this IVF cycle. I have had cramps for most of the week off and on, but last night I really started feeling like it was almost here. For the record, jumping up and down and having sex didn't help start AF last night.

I want to take a moment here to recap my last month of fertility treatments.

This is what came in the mail for me last month (minus the progesterone supplements).

And this is my belly after about a week of Follistim (please ignore the jammies!):

What OHSS and last month did to my belly (my butt is another story!):

I'm only putting these here because I think they will be something to look back on fondly after we start our IVF drugs. And to give myself a frame of reference. I'll try to shoot a true "before" shot before we start all of the next round of drugs.