Okay, quick post. School started this week and I'm exhausted! I'm thinking about going to bed, and we're usually night owls.
Speaking of symptoms (because I know that's what you are thinking), I'm going hot and cold all the time, right now in particular I'm freezing. We're talking socks, and hoodie with the hood up. It's August. We're inside. It's crazy. Saturday and Sunday (which would have been prime implantation if you're counting) I had cramps. Those AF cramps, a little strong, and no spotting or period. I'm so tired. And just a bit emotional.
I had my first IVF meltdown with DH last night. He went into the kitchen to get my shot ready, and my eyes filled. I went in, let him do it and burst into tears. I was so upset about having to get my shot. I'm tired of needles. I feel sensitive everywhere. I was worried about going back to school and doing so much, and I am nervous about school in general. I am worried this isn't going to work, I am worried it is and then we're going to lose the baby. I am worried that all three took, and that I'll have to quit my job. I think I was long overdue for a meltdown.
But with all of this? I don't think I'm pregnant. I don't feel different. I don't feel hopeful, I don't feel like I'll be one of the lucky ones, and I don't think this worked. DH wants me to positive. Right now, I can't be, I just can't. I am so afraid that if I get my hopes up, it will make it so much worse. I hate this.
I even had this insane thought today, that at least if I wasn't pregnant I could start drinking coffee again. And it almost gave me a reason to hope I wasn't! Which is ridiculous! We want this more than anything, but I am so scared about what will happen next, good news or bad.
There are no pee sticks in the house. I'm not allowed. DH said maybe Thursday or Friday, but no sooner. I did test a couple days ago (4dp3dt) to see if my trigger was gone and got a very very very faint line that I'm sure was leftover trigger. I am thinking it is gone now.
14 comments:
Just sending you lots of hugs!!
Zachary and I are sitting on the couch reading your blog, hoping for this pregnancy, but even more hoping that you start to feel better about everything. Breakdowns are sometimes necessary!
We love you!
Hang in there! I'm praying for you.
Lots and lots of hugs to you!!
i can't begin to imagine how you are feeling. But i can tell you - & i know it's not the same - but i was for sure positive i didn't get pregnant last month... turns out i was wrong!
I think it's ok to feel how you do, natural. It's scary! but i will try to send some of my positivity to you!!
I felt the same way. At 5 and 6 days post transfer, I was planning a brownie and a diet dr. pepper to console myself when I found out that I wan't pregnant. Thank goodness that how you feel does not affect outcome. Hoping for two lines!
I know what you mean about things you will do if not pregnant. I think those things all the time and then proceed to feel really guilty because I don't want those things at all. It is so early yet, you probably won't feel anything. The emotional side of this is just so trying and if this was your first breakdown, I'd say you are doing really good. Take Care!!
I have no good words of wisdom or hope for you and I certainly can't tell you I know how you feel. I just know that you are an amazingly strong woman. I know you are supposed to think positive and all, but I definitely can't blame you for not feeling 100% peachy keen all the time. Just know that there is an entire group of us that hugs you every single day. Hang in there.
I am sorry you are feeling so down. I can't imagine what you are going through. Keep your chin up! I have my fingers crossed for you!
I know it's hard to get your hopes up, but hang in there. Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way!
Hang in there!! I have yet to go through the 2WW, so I don't have any advice. Sending you good thoughts!
((HUGS))
I'm sorry you're hitting that downhill hard on the rollercoaster right now. I'm sending you lots of hugs and hopes for a positive beta on Sunday. Sometimes I wish someone could take all my glass half full thoughts away and use them. I have more than enough to go around.
Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way. Stick little embabies!
I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and your husband.
Lots of happy and sticky vibes are coming your way!
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