There are no words

. . .to describe what a feeling it was today at the RE. We'll start with this -

Today we not only got to SEE two little hearts flickering away, we actually got to hear them. I couldn't believe how amazing that was to actually hear their little heartbeats. Baby B has caught up, and both babies are measuring 8w4d. That is only 1 day behind where I should be, and last ultrasound they were 4 days behind. The RE said that everything looked good, healthy and the babies were looking great.

I feel so much better and so blessed. I really feel like this is real now, and that things might be okay. I go back in a week and a half, and I hope Baby B might be turned a little better next time so we can see both of their profiles. They will learn eventually how picture obsessed Mommy is.

I had a full first OB workup today, bloodwork, urine sample, breast exam, thyroid exam, etc. and it sounds like everything is going great.

Thank you for all the well wishes and prayers. I truly believe that these babies are thriving on love and good wishes.

Is this what they call "popping"?

Dear Blog,

It's been 8 days since my last post. . . where has the time gone? Oh yeah, it's been me, feeling like puking, and then sometimes really puking from about the time I get home from school until I go to bed. My social life has been miserable, and while I'm aiming for bed early every night, the sickness sometimes makes that hard.

But I am pregnant and I love my babies!

But they are not being very nice. I've reminded them that Mommy needs to eat if they want nutrition, and if they want oxygen I can't be throwing up my asthma drugs at night. So far they are unimpressed. Luckily, most days I have been okay at school, I just wish this year's class could be like last year's. I am so tired of yelling and getting no response. They really are different being this age.

Our next ultrasound is Friday, and I am so nervous. We've gotten so attached to my little beans, and we are getting used to the idea of double strollers and a bigger car. It's scary to think something could have gone wrong, and this week is crawling waiting for my appointment.

I have to say there is one sign that seems to point to multiple babies. . .behold the belly!

I'm thinking my secret isn't going to be much of a secret much longer. I am thinking about coming out at work after my ultrasound on Friday - I can't keep hiding this! I feel like the actress on TV who is pregnant but her character isn't. I hide behind desks, my lunchbox, I try not to let anyone who doesn't know see me from the side. . .I just need a big potted plant to carry around and it would be great.

8w3d. Holy crap. It didn't look like that a couple days ago. I think I popped!

7 weeks - oh the gagging

Well, the morning sickness/all day sickness is kicking in. Still not actually throwing up, but the gagging is getting out of control. At first it was with swallowing pills. Then it was if I was eating something the babies decided they didn't like. And now, it is just happening randomly. Like in the car. Or at school. Or just now since I'm thinking about it apparently.

I think we've settled on temporary nicknames for the beans. They've been Lenny and Squiggy all weekend, and it might stick. They are apparently vegetarians. Meat of any kind is making me (you guessed it) gag. They are already getting a kick out of messing with Mommy.

But I am starting to worry more about little Baby B. Since both babies were measuring behind and we couldn't see a heartbeat on Baby B, I'm starting to worry that we'll lose a twin. It's horrible that I can't keep being happy about this pregnancy, but everything worries me and scares me. It's like I can't believe we were this lucky, and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

All prayers for Baby B growing and sticking would be appreciated!

And for the exciting part - the belly. I post these for the pudgy among us! I still haven't gained or lost any weight, which is actually weird. I'm used to fluctuating throughout the month. I'm down 10 pounds from stims (thank God!) but have been holding steady. And once again I want to say, I don't think my belly looks pointy in person.

Big News!

I know most of my blog readers are on boards where this has already been shared but. . .We're having twins!!!

We had our first ultrasound yesterday. According to the IVF calculator online (and retrieval date) I was 6w5d. The IVF nurse has it calculated as 6w3d. We were hoping to hear the heartbeat, but knew it was early.

The day before DH and I had discussed all the possibilities at the ultrasound. One healthy baby, two healthy babies, one healthy baby and one empty sac, three little heartbeats, etc. We just wanted to be prepared since I have been so nervous.

The Dr. came in and congratulated us on our pregnancy. We hadn't seen him since the transfer. He started the ultrasound and told us that he saw two sacs. At that point, I wasn't sure if that meant two babies or not. He zoomed in on the first baby and marked it A. As he was taking measurements he pointed out that we could see a visible flashing on the screen that was the heartbeat. Absolutely amazing.

Here is Baby A:

And then he moved over and zoomed in on Baby B. Baby B is measuring about the same, but we couldn't see the heartbeat yet.

Here is Baby B:

We go back in two weeks unless there are any issues in the meantime. It's crazy! We went to Panera for breakfast, and I think DH was totally in shock. I could practically see the dollar signs in his head. And at one point he asked when we were going to have to start shopping for mini-vans. As of right now, I am starting to feel sicker, and worried about what the rest of this trimester and pregnancy will bring.

We are excited, cautious, and a little bit terrified. There are two of them in there!

Awesome Mom Monday

I have seen this done a few times in my friend Stacy's blog, and today, well, today I know just the Mom who deserves to be recognized.

Mine.

There are many recent reasons that are coming to mind, but I want to go back quite a ways to start this out. I am an only child. I am this way not because my parents wished to stop at one, but because I was a miracle. I heard that all the time growing up, even though I can vividly remember bugging my mom for a sibling. If only I could have known then what I know now. Although I was a miracle to my parents, in reality, I'm kind of a Clomid baby. My parents were married for 1o years before I came along, and apparently went through the same kinds of testing and heartbreak that we have, but for 6 years. My Mom had to have a hysterectomy when I was still in school, and I remember knowing at that point that I would never have a brother or sister.

In high school, for quite a long time, my Mom was the Mom that everyone wanted to talk to. I had a couple of friends who would call, and it would take me 10 minutes to realize the phone was actually for me. She listened, she remembered, she cared about their lives and I heard time after time how much everyone loved her. She has always "adopted" all of my friends, and considers my best friend her second daughter.

We had some rough times in high school and on college breaks (we were too close) but as grown ups, I can honestly say that my Mom is my best friend. She has been my champion and my protector for so long, and I know that she doesn't know how to, or see any need, to stop. She still knows exactly how to take care of me, even though I am a grown woman of 30.

We hadn't told our families that we were trying to get pregnant, but as soon as we were ready to see the RE for our problems, I knew that I had to tell my Mom. Not only did I not want to have to lie, I knew she would understand. It all came pouring out (at Olive Garden, no less), the frustrations, the fear of never having children, the fact that I always "knew" I wouldn't be able to get pregnant easily. She has been the most sympathetic and understanding ear I could have imagined. I see posts on the boards about insensitive mom comments, and all I really ever got from mine was "Sweetie, the situation sucks, it isn't fair, and I am so sorry it is happening to you. I wish I could tell you something to make you feel better, but I know there are no words." Although, occasionally I do get reminded that she did it for longer :-)

During treatments, after my Lap surgery, during any period of dealing with any of this mess when I can't quite hold it together, my Mom is here. She will drop off food, stop by to let the dog out and magically our dishwasher will be empty and the laundry will be folded. When we first got married, I warned DH that my parents were "involved" and it was a situation that made all of us happy. The more my Mom gets to be my Mom, the happier she is. She worries if she doesn't feel involved. We talk approximately 10 times a day.

When we started the IVF, she was there every step to help out if she could. My two days I was on bedrest, my house has probably not been cleaner since. She even roped my Dad into vaccuuming. Now that I am pregnant, I am being spoiled rotten. Technically with OHSS, I am restricted on what I can do around the house, and with feeling exhausted all the time there is a lot that falls to DH. DH isn't always great about picking up the slack, so our house fairy is at it again.

I just want to thank her (and she's a blog reader, so I know she'll see this) for being my Mom. I truly couldn't ask for a better Mom, or a better role model now that I am on the path to motherhood myself. I love you Mom.

And now I'm crying. Damn hormones :-)

Oh and just to tack these at the bottom since they are horrible - my 6 week belly pics. I realize I'm not exactly "showing" but I want to keep the record. I think this are going to look alike for awhile!

Bare belly from the front (quite a Sunday on the couch feeling sick outfit) And from the side - in the morning, I swear, nothing, then by the end of the day? Pointy bump.

He really does rock. . .

But I'm too tired to come up with a long entry to tell why. :-)

He rocks because he is still a trooper giving me my shots every night. Even when I cry, even when I say OW really loud, and even through the week long rash on my butt (who the hell is allergic to alcohol wipes? Me apparently). He has learned to roll it between his hands to warm it up, and remembers (almost) every night to remind me about my shot.

Who knew we would ever be able to get this far?

Updated Belly Pics

No other major updates, but I did take new pictures. Don't mind the lumpy belly, it's the capris, I promise. DH and I went to the Mall tonight, and found a pair of long maternity pants, a denim skirt and I picked up a Tummy Sleeve and Motherhood. We'll see how it goes. It's getting really hard to hide at work, and my wardrobe is limited. Oh, and another thing - Maternity pants suck!

Over the weekend, I also had to go bra shopping. . .according to my measurements I am up 2 cup sizes. At 5 weeks pregnant. I explained to DH that I had read about this being referred to as "getting a visit from the titty fairy." He would like to shake his hand. I think it's funny (and probably true) that he believes the titty fairy is a man. Typical. :-)