A letter to my husband

In honor of our 6th Valentine's Day, and what I thought was the subject of the weekly blog hop even though there is no evidence yet that anyone else is doing it. Oh well, I wanted to do it anyway, because it has been a long time since I have bragged about my fabulous husband, and it seems about time that I wrote a letter straight to one of the few dedicated readers of my blog. It seems a little weird putting it here, but I like having this as a record. Don't make me read this one out loud to you babe. I think it will require tissues.

Dear Andy,

I wonder sometimes how it is that we got to this point. How we went from strangers, to neighbors, to friends. How it seemed for so long that we might just be friends, and how when we started dating, it felt like home. How we went on that first date where we got lost, to a restaurant you don't even like as it turns out. How on a second "date", you came over to put up our blinds because you had a drill and you would be happy to help out. That first wonderfully awkward kiss that made me think there would never be any chemistry to the night we found out that was wrong (and yes, everyone reading, it was our wedding night).

I don't know when exactly I fell in love with you. I don't remember a moment, I don't remember a reason. I just remember telling you, and having you say thank you. I remember feeling it, and not trusting it. I remember of course, when you told me, when you thought you were dying or on heavy drugs in the hospital. I know when I decided that you were going to have to marry me though. When my Dad was in the hospital, and my Mom was falling apart, and I felt like I was the one who had to be strong, who had to take care of both of them, and you took care of me. I remember standing with you in the hallway of that hospital and thinking that you were already acting like part of the family, and how you had become the rock that held me up. I knew then, and it only took me a little while longer to convince you.

I know I've said it before, but I don't know what you see in me. I know I drive you crazy, I know that you carry more than your fair share of the load around here, and I know that I am slowly turning into my mother. But you love me. You love me, and it makes me a better person. You love me and it makes me ME. You've taken care of me in so many ways, and I don't know how I could have survived without your strength, your hard work, and your partnership for the past few years.

I know I've touched on the infertility part of our relationship in this post, but I have to say again, just how much you rocked through the whole experience. You took it all in stride, the doctor's appointments, the fear, the hormones that made me crazy. Even as our dreams seemed hopeless, even as we were disappointed again and again, even as the news got worse, we grew together, and got stronger. I don't think that happens to everyone, and I know it doesn't happen to everyone who has a baby. We had become closer through the sadness and the frustration and the fear. You held me up, you calmed me down, and again I loved you more.

And then we were pregnant and you were taking care of me again. Making smoothies, giving me shots, taking care of everything around the house so I could sleep, or throw up or keep my feet up. I loved how you couldn't keep your hands off my belly, how you would talk to them and feel them kick, and how your eyes would light up. I knew I loved you then. I knew how wonderful you were. And I knew you would be an awesome dad.

And then you were. I don't know if I can describe what it was like to see you with them when they were born. All of a sudden you were the proudest man in the world, and you took to being a Daddy so naturally that I was left even feeling less competent. Seeing you as a dad, seeing you love them and take care of them, and take care of all of us. . .there are no words.

This Valentine's Day, I want to remember where we came from. I want you to know how much I love you now. And I want you to know that even though things are tough now, that they are not exactly what we want, I know that better days are coming. I miss you, because you are my husband and my best friend. I know that I am going to be in love with you forever, and that you are my heart and my soul.

Always,
Your Wife.