Have You Ever - Part 2

Okay, so original plan had been to take my first post, take Glitter in the Air, and make it a "Have you Ever" about the things that happen when you have babies and toddlers in the house.  As in "Have you ever fed a baby with just your hands" in a nice rhyming parody of the song.

I decided yesterday that I don't really have time to redo the entire song, but I had another idea.  See the whole Have you Ever thing reminded me of a game we used to play in college called "I've Never".  And yes, it's a drinking game.  Of course, only played with water until my 21st birthday.  By the way, just googled it, and there is, of course, a Wikipedia article about it.  There is also a very detailed article on Wikipedia about beer pong.  In case you were wondering.  The wikipedia article explains the rules, but what I remember about it was it was sure a game we could use to embarrass each other.  The way it works is this:  First person starts out by saying something, for example like "I've never skydived" and if you HAVE skydived, you have to take a drink.  Now, I used to play this with my sorority sisters and I remember frequently sitting next to my college roommate who would love to whip out the most embarrassing thing she could think of that she knew I would have to drink to.  No, I'm not sharing any of those things. 

What I wanted to do instead was put together a list of what I think of as some of my most embarrassing moments as a Mom, or at least a bunch of things that have happened, or that have happened to other Mom friends.  If you are a mom of babies or toddlers, play along!  Go ahead and grab your coffee, your water, your martini, whatever, no judgement here, and take a nice chug for each of these "I"ve nevers" that I list that applies to you.  Even if you're not a mom, you can play.  Although for most of these, if you don't have kids, you must have a pretty weird lifestyle if you can drink to it.  For every one with a * next to it, I'm drinking along with you, and I can't be held responsible for how jittery or schnookered you happen to be at the end. 

Here we go.

• I've never whipped out a boob in public*
• Or in front of a male family member*
• I've never used spit to wipe off someones face*
• I've never changed a diaper in the middle of a public place* (like the monkey house at the zoo)
• I've never picked someone else's nose*
• I've never stepped in someone else's poop* 
• And not realized it right away
• I've never had poop on my face
• I've never been peed on*  (go ahead and do a bunch of sips if you have a boy and this is frequent)
• I've never peed in a diaper as a parent
• I've never sang along to every song on an episode of Jack's Big Music Show*
• I've never had spit-up on me and gone out anyway*
• I've never witnessed my child falling off the couch*
• or the bed*
• or a table
• I've never eaten food my child had already chewed*
• I've never been puked on
• I've never forgotten to strap my child into their carseat*
• I've never drugged my child at bedtime, just in case*
• I've never dropped or fallen with my child*
• I've never said "Stop licking me!" to a child*
• I've never had my child step on a sensitive part of my anatomy* (do you know how much it hurts to have your boobs stepped on??)
• I've never made a desperate call to a family member begging for help*
• I've never looked at someone else's child and felt like mine was better*
• I've never intentionally skipped pages in a book I was reading to a child*
• I've never gone to the bathroom with a baby on my lap*
• Or two*
• I've never handed off a baby to my spouse knowing that they had a poopy diaper*
• I've never stuck my hand down the back of a diaper to check for poop (not me, but my husband has!)
• I've never told my child to "go away, shut up, get out of my face, etc."*(but mainly before they started talking)
• I've never made my child bleed with the nail clippers *(I HATE those damn things!)
• I've never loosely applied the five second rule from one meal to the next*
• I've never let my child have a bottle or a sippy that the dog has licked*
• I've never blamed a fart on my child (Again, DH does this, not me)
• I've never allowed my child to play with something considered dangerous*
• I've never used our dog to clean off a child post meal*
• I've never put my son in a pink diaper*
• I've never woken up with somebody's butt in my face*
• I've never pretended to be asleep so I didn't have to get up with my child (by the way, go ahead and drink if this applies to your spouse - jerk!)

Okay, I am sure there are more, and if you think of anything you want to leave me in the comments, please do!  I had fun with my list.  But I do feel like I need to add a few more at the end. 

• I've never loved someone so small, so much in my entire life* 
• I've never smiled just knowing that they were mine*
• I've never cried happy tears over finally having the children I dreamed of*
• I've never appreciated so much the things my parents went through to raise me*
• I've never loved my husband more*
• I've never had so many moments that make me realize that I was made for this, and that I am the luckiest Mommy in the whole world*

And that's something to drink to :-)