Have You Ever - Part 1

I sing to the kids all the time.  In the car, in the kitchen, while I'm changing their diapers.  I'm not a great singer (in fact, I would say I'm not even good) but they don't care.  They love listening to me sing, I take requests (Row row, or Tinkle tinkle) and they have been known to put down their milk cups at lunch and applaud when I am done.  This morning I was doing a very bad rendition of "Bad Romance" while changing diapers and Maggie actually put her hands over her ears and shook her head.  She does not seem to be a fan of the Lady Gaga.  I laughed, and stopped and she smiled sweetly at me and said "Tinkle Tinkle?" 

Anyway, one song that we agree on is Pink's Glitter in the Air.  We listened to it yesterday on YouTube a few times in a row, and I love hearing it on the radio.  It is such a beautful song, and except for the first part about feeding a lover, I think a lot of it reminds me of some of the sweeter moments of motherhood.  Well, motherhood and infertility.  I am guessing I am not the only one who has had these feelings. 

"Glitter In The Air"

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care"?

I know that throughout my pregnancy, I was scared.  I was worried about what would happen but you have to trust, just trust that things will be okay.  You look fear in the face, thinking about delivery, and say that you just don't care.  You've gone through the fear of IVF, you've gone throught the joy of being pregnant, and you know that you did everything because of this child.  


It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning
The breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Isn't there a little bit of this going on at every stage of a baby's development?  Every time you think that your baby is on the cusp of something, getting ready to walk, starting to talk, showing that spark of understanding right before you realize that with every step forward, they are losing some of their babiness, and becoming little people.  It makes me want to slow down and savor every moment before it's gone. 

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone

Betas, betas, betas.  Enough said.   

Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

Ben and Maggie both do this thing sometimes where when you pick them up and hug them they pat your back gently.  I see it as a sign of affection, a mimic of what we do to them when we comfort them.  The touch of their hands, the sharing of affection and love that they show us, that they have learned from us - that's amazing.  And the last line I'd like to interpret this way - aren't all of our children strangers we invited inside?  We bring them home, these new little people, strangers of a few days only, and we love them, care for them, and raise them from that day forward. 


It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath before the kiss
And the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?


La La La La La La La La


There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee,
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar


Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?
Tonight

All the time.  All the time.