I think you always have to be careful about what you put into words, especially when you write things down and share with the public. At the end of my last post I made a comment about how Ben had gotten up crying, and how I enjoyed rocking him since it doesn't happen much anymore. And I really mean it, I love that sleepy snuggly time in the glider.
Ben has gotten up every night since that last post. As early as 9:30, as late as 5, he has gotten up once a night, crying, clingy, and miserable. I think it's his diaper rash. I think it's because his poor mangled bottom is stinging. Usually just changing his diaper has been fixing the problem and all he needs is a little more snuggle time and he is good to go. Ever since I wrote my post about Maggie, I've been thinking I needed to put some things down about Ben, my son, my little man. I am not only trying to raise a daughter the way my mother and grandmother could focus on, I am also trying to grow a man, to make someone we will be proud of, who will someday stand up for himself, for others, to be patient and kind and loving. I have an opportunity to make the kind of man out of him that every girl is hoping to find. We'll see how it goes.
Ben is very active. That is a nice way to put it. The boy is always busy, always moving around from place to place. Twice this week on bath night, while the water was running, he moved all of his blankies and loveys out into the hallway, gathered up some books, and sat down naked to read his books covered up with his blanket. Yes, there are blackmail photos of this. Right now it seems like everything he does is deliberate. I may not always understand his motives, but he has a plan, and man does he get mad when you mess with his plans. He knows what he wants, and he does everything he can to get it. Since right now it mainly seems to be a form of baby hoarding, I think it's normal.
Ever since he was a newborn, Ben has been my snugglebug. He cuddles up with me, prefers full body contact (I call it Flat Ben, where he just turns to jello in my arms trying to make as much body contact as possible), and was the one who nursed the soonest and the longest. He is certainly Mama's boy, and I love my little boy. He was the most laid back newborn, sweet and easygoing. Toddler Ben and Toddler Maggie seem to have switched roles, since he is now more demanding, and she is laid back, but it used to be that he was the calm in the storm.
I don't know much about little boys. If there is one thing I do not know, it is sports. I look at my son, I think of what typically goes on when you have a little boy, and I think I'm going to have to learn. Will it be soccer, wrestling, football, golf? Will he be rough and tumble, or will he turn into the sweet and sensitive type who likes to read and wants to play the piano? Watching how physical he is now, I think that it's going to be sports. He loves balls. Anything around the house that looks like a ball, that he can throw, kick or shake. I don't think piano playing is in his future, but who knows. I think about all the bumps and bruises he has already had, how he comes running over to Mommy when he is hurt, and I think of how many more he will have in this lifetime, and how I won't always be the one thing he wants to make him feel better.
Does every mother look at her son and think about how she needs to raise him to be some one's perfect husband? Maybe that is just because I am a girl, but I think that raising him to be a man doesn't just mean making him into a man of his own, but a man that will someday look at some other girl with as much love as he now looks at his Mommy. I think that so clearly I see what I want and don't want for Maggie because I lived the life of a girl. Boys have always been more of a mystery. I don't know how they act around their friends, I don't know what makes some boys love things like guns and dinosaurs. What I know of boys is what I know from being a teacher and from boys I grew up with and men I know. I don't want him to always be a Mama's boy. I don't want him to be a jerk. I don't want him to be the guy who only knows his worth through the sport he plays, or how well he did on his Math test.
But when and where do you start? I am lucky to know that first of all, he has an excellent role model in his Daddy. Other than the bad habits he has started (hello splashing in the bathtub and laughing about burps and farts), he is already showing Ben something that I hope to teach him by example. Taking care of people that you love. Andy has always been a hands on Daddy, and has grown throughout our marriage into a very helpful hubby. He does our grocery shopping. He clips coupons. He cooks, he cleans, and there are very few things around the house that fall to me alone. No cave man here, I have a true partner. I like knowing that he will grow up around that, to know that men can cook, and women are not just there to run the errands and make the cookies (although I am the cookie baker of the house). We will teach him to clean up after himself, to throw his clothes in the hamper, to wipe up spills and eventually to do the dishes and the laundry. He will have the skills that are necessary to take care of himself.
Part of me knows that the same things I need to do for Maggie are going to work for Ben. I can show him a loving and nurturing example. We can learn, using his poor sister as the example, how to be nice to other people, to use nice words, and nice touches. I want to expose them to all kinds of people, to not let them think that people who aren't like them are less worthy. We will sing, we will dance. I think that in a way, raising a girl and boy at the same time will make it easier to show them everything. If he is interested in trucks, and trucks only, she will see them, and learn how boys play with them. If she is into dolls and princesses, he will have exposure to that too. I have visions of him stealing her tiaras and tutus, hopefully, he won't get into wearing them! Maybe we'll skip tiaras and tutus all together. I am not much of a girly girl anyway.
Ben is into big hugs and sloppy kisses right now. He kisses my feet and knees if I am sitting on the couch and he likes finding other people's belly buttons. He is a loving little boy, and I hope he grows into a loving little man. Hopefully he'll outgrow the belly button obsession before puberty :-)
Benjamin Andrew, my little man, I love you with all of my heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment