Weekend Update - 4w6d

Last night, we went to DH's 1o year reunion. Good times. Actually it was kind of funny, especially from the perspective of an outsider. I met some of his old friends, was introduced to a lot of people and got to witness some fun gossip. She lost a ton of weight. He's bald now. She's married to an old man. She's a substitute teacher AND a stripper.

I told DH it would be okay to tell people if he wanted to since I figured a) it would explain why I wasn't drinking b) it was the honest response to the "so why don't you have kids yet" questions and c) I figured we would never see most of the people again, and why not share some happy news.

People were very sweet. One of his good friends has a 7 week old baby we got to meet, and she asked all about how I have been feeling. I figured that's a fair question, so I should share with the rest of the blogging world what is going on with me.

1. I'm exhausted. All the time. I'm tired at school, I'm tired at home, and the act of getting up in the morning is a chore. It involves crackers in bed, letting DH make me tea and my lunch, having to sit down after my shower to recover, and blow drying my hair sitting down. This is all because. . .

2. I'm dizzy. Mostly in the morning, and when I'm hungry. If I go for more than 2-3 hours without eating I start to get woozy.

3. My boobs are getting bigger. I'm starting to bust out of my bras and they are getting firmer now too. DH (whose nominated himself official tracker of the boob changes) also thinks my nipples are twice as big. I'll take his word for it. The girls also hurt, and are really sensitive.

4. Food aversions. I have always wondered what they meant exactly. For me, twice now it has been the smell of something that made me feel sick and like I needed to sit down immediately. Weird. Once it was ice cream, the other time it was some kind of pasta with white sauce and vegetables.

5. Naps make me feel worse. I think it must be only in the evening when I've taken a nap that means I've missed a meal. It sucks because I always really need the sleep!

6. I'm possibly a little cranky. I don't notice, but DH smirked when I asked him if he had noticed anything.

7. The bloat, oh the bloat. Still present, still annoying, still causing me to suck in constantly at work. Which makes my abs sore, like I've been doing a lot of sit-ups or something.

I think that covers the basics. As much as I've always said I wouldn't complain about pregnancy. . .I can see why it happens. Especially since I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that this just might make it to the end.

Beta #2!

956. More than doubled, but didn't do anything scary. I'm so relieved. I felt better this morning and then was worried all day until something was wrong until I got the call. I had gone for my beta yesterday, but since it was afternoon I didn't get my results until today.

Our first ultrasound will be September 12th, and I won't go back for anything else until then unless there is a problem. The nurse really hoped to not hear from me soon :-)

That's all for today! Thank you for all the good wishes, and suggestions. If I can get past the next couple weeks, I'll be set.

4 weeks 2 days

And I feel (and look) like I'm a lot farther along! I talked to the nurse today when I went for my second beta draw (results tomorrow for the impatient) and asked if I should be concerned about the massive bloating. She reminded me that the HCG in my system would be aggravating my OHSS. Duh! I don't know why this didn't occur to me before. I realized I had cysts. I knew I was really bloated. But I thought that if I didn't develop OHSS right away after trigger, I didn't think it would start when I got pregnant.

If I was willing to tell work, this wouldn't bother me. In fact, I hate to be complaining at all because of course I am thrilled, but I am having the hardest time getting dressed for work! I'm trying to make sure I face people head on when I talk to them, it's the profile that's the killer.

I already have symptoms. :-)

I have been exhausted. And dizzy. And I get really kinda woozy if I don't have food in my stomach. I'm thirsty all the time. My boobs are big, they are sore, and my blue veins are popping out everywhere. Oh, and then there is the bloat.

Here, photo evidence:

This is my body:

This is my body with OHSS:

Any questions?

Beta #1 is in!

I can officially announce it now - I'm pregant! Beta #1 is 451. Which I know is a huge and somewhat scary number for 11 dp3dt. I'm trying not to think about it. I go back Tuesday for a repeat beta, and then we schedule my ultrasound.

My first ultrasound. OMG. Just typing that brought tears to my eyes. I have had so many freaking ultrasounds of my ovaries, and this one, my GOD, this one will show my miracle(s). I can't even believe it. I'm still in shock, and disbelief. My casual attitude towards this IVF is turning into full fledged terror over this pregnancy. I am still worried that it is too good to be true.

As you can see from the picture, I got my first dark positive at 8dp3dt. I couldn't believe it. I have never seen a line that dark! I was totally prepared for a negative, and couldn't believe what I was seeing. I have continued peeing on sticks (more pictures to come, I'm sure) and it's still so unreal.

And then yesterday, the "symptoms" started. Dizziness, nausea, food aversion, all of those things that aren't supposed to show up until like 6 weeks? I started to believe a little bit more.

And now this. That is in no way a questionable beta. I am pregnant, and I am possibly pregnant with more than one, and I can't believe it. I can't wait for my first ultrasound!

I have two message boards that I frequent. Both of them had 3 BFP announcements this week, and I couldn't be more thrilled to be in such good company. I hope that everyone has a very healthy, normal pregnancy.

I have a confession

I may have tested early :-)

Beta is tomorrow, I'm praying for big numbers!

My Husband Rocks!

I think this is week #4, and my husband still rocks. He always will. He has been my optimism and my hope this cycle, and he gives me my strength. This journey we have been on is so hard for so many couples, and for us, while we've had our ups and downs, I really think we have gotten closer. We have travelled this road, and we will survive.

I have been crashing every night really early. Usually this leaves something left to be done. Cleaning the kitchen up, putting away leftovers, dealing with the cat box, emptying the dishwasher, you name it. My husband has sent me off to bed with a kiss, and dealt with everything that needed to be dealt with.

I appreciate his constant love and support. For better or for worse.

6dp3dt = Tired, emotional and not hopeful

Okay, quick post. School started this week and I'm exhausted! I'm thinking about going to bed, and we're usually night owls.

Speaking of symptoms (because I know that's what you are thinking), I'm going hot and cold all the time, right now in particular I'm freezing. We're talking socks, and hoodie with the hood up. It's August. We're inside. It's crazy. Saturday and Sunday (which would have been prime implantation if you're counting) I had cramps. Those AF cramps, a little strong, and no spotting or period. I'm so tired. And just a bit emotional.

I had my first IVF meltdown with DH last night. He went into the kitchen to get my shot ready, and my eyes filled. I went in, let him do it and burst into tears. I was so upset about having to get my shot. I'm tired of needles. I feel sensitive everywhere. I was worried about going back to school and doing so much, and I am nervous about school in general. I am worried this isn't going to work, I am worried it is and then we're going to lose the baby. I am worried that all three took, and that I'll have to quit my job. I think I was long overdue for a meltdown.

But with all of this? I don't think I'm pregnant. I don't feel different. I don't feel hopeful, I don't feel like I'll be one of the lucky ones, and I don't think this worked. DH wants me to positive. Right now, I can't be, I just can't. I am so afraid that if I get my hopes up, it will make it so much worse. I hate this.

I even had this insane thought today, that at least if I wasn't pregnant I could start drinking coffee again. And it almost gave me a reason to hope I wasn't! Which is ridiculous! We want this more than anything, but I am so scared about what will happen next, good news or bad.

There are no pee sticks in the house. I'm not allowed. DH said maybe Thursday or Friday, but no sooner. I did test a couple days ago (4dp3dt) to see if my trigger was gone and got a very very very faint line that I'm sure was leftover trigger. I am thinking it is gone now.