Have you heard the one. . .

About the guy who jumps out of an airplane (bad news), but he has a parachute! (good news!), but it won't open (bad news), etc.?  I remember doing that joke with my Mom when I was little and thinking it was just so funny.  I think I was thinking about it the other day and thinking that this whole good news/bad news thing is kinda funny as a joke, not so funny when it is your life. 

I guess I should throw in here quickly for anyone reading who doesn't know this, that yes, we are all okay, yes, my baby GIRL is growing just fine (see how I just sneak that in there), and there is no new bad news in this post.  Well, not quite. 

I was thinking about how lately all good news seems to be followed immediately by bad news.  We can go all the way back to Yay we're married!  To, we can't have a baby.  Followed by IVF worked - we're having twins! to Andy loses his job, to Babies are born! to Andy is on nights and Jen has a bit of a breakdown. 

We all remember back to this summer where literally the day after I found out from my principal that she didn't have a spot for me this year to oops we're pregnant.  Everything is fine to everything is not.  I am pregnant now, and things are looking good for that, but financially I feel like things are just falling apart again.  I have been working part time subbing since school started.  I had not taken a short term position at my old school because I couldn't imagine going back there as a failure.  Subbing has been very sporadic.  I am finding the new computerized system to be less than reliable for me to find steady jobs, and unlike the good old days of being able to roll out of bed to head to work with little notice, I have to get Ben and Maggie to the sitter and it just doesn't work out.  Luckily, I qualified for unemployment and have been filing every week, claiming income when I have it and being grateful when I don't.  I don't really want to go into details, but let's just say that a simple mistake I made in filing in November has the government wanting us to pay back 10 weeks worth of my benefits.  I got the email notice the day after we had out appointment for our big ultrasound and finding out that we're having a baby girl. 

Our ultrasound was happy news, was surprising news, was news I wanted to be able to shout from the rooftops and the next day all I could think about was money worries.  I'm tired of worrying about money all the time.  I hate feeling like I'm contributing next to nothing to our finances, but don't really see a way out of it that is in the best interest of our family.  I'm tired of feeling like I can't order a milkshake when we go out because the water is free.  I'm tired of wanting things I can't have, and I know that is me just being a big baby.  Obviously there are worse things in life.  Obviously we are doing better than a lot of people.  Another big hit we took lately was taking our house off the market because the foreclosures in our neighborhood are priced at like 60-70,000 less than what we were listed in the Fall.  And they aren't bad houses with major issues, they are just empty, but when they sell at that price, we lose property value too.  I feel like I did the right thing when I bought this condo instead of renting almost 8 years ago, but what seemed like a good investment in my future has turned out to be a place we are now stuck in.   

I'm frustrated.  I'm hormonal.  And I think I'm just a little bit under what my dosage of my anti-depressants should be.  That is also frustrating because I had been hoping to not need them anymore.  I also know that right on the bottle they are not supposed to be taken in your third trimester.  I have friends who have taken them through birth, and I know this is something to discuss with my doctor as an option, but right now it just seems like I should just be happy without them. 

God, this is a depressing post. 

Might as well add the last part then, we were sure it was a boy.  We were positive we were having a boy, everyone else was positive we were having a boy, and I pictured us with two little boys, and my one precocious little girl.  Ben would have a wrestling partner, Andy would have two little boys to play catch with in our hopefully someday backyard, and Maggie would have two brothers to protect her.  Even with always secretly hoping it was another girl, I was shocked when they said it was a girl.  And just a teeny bit. . .disappointed isn't the word.  Because I honestly think either way it had gone I would have had a similar feeling.  I think there's something about having a balance in this house with a Mommy, a Daddy, a boy and a girl.  Everything is even, we try to be fair.  And throwing off that balance, while inevitable, kind of has me thrown.  I came home and looked at Ben and thought "This will be my only little boy.  Andy won't have another son."  And it felt. . .sad. 

And then it feels ridiculous, because again, I'm going to have another daughter!  I'm going to have another little girl, and more than that, I keep trying to remember that I am giving Maggie a sister.  I know so many people who love their sisters, who have a best friend in them, a confidante, a troublemaking buddy.  Ben has two boy cousins (well one still on the way) and we will spend a lot of time with them.  Maggie gets another girl, someone to. . .well, I've never had a sister, I guess I'm not sure what she gets.  But really I wonder if I'm just intimidated because I feel like a failure as a girl mom.  Maggie's hair is always a mess.  I am not really that into pink and frilly.  And now I'm going to have two little girls that have ME as their role model.  Two little girls to watch grow, to watch go through all those things girls go through, two to buy dresses for, two to have to talk to about what it takes to be a girl. . .

I'm running out of steam and I think this post is bordering on novel, and I still have three weeks worth of pictures to share.  I'll try to be brief with my descriptions.  Ha ha. 

January 10 - Really, bedtime reading gets a little ridiculous with two toddlers.  They sit nicely for stories at the library, at music class, etc, but for some reason bedtime is just one big roll around on Mommy and Daddy's bed party. 

January 11 - Have I mentioned yet just how much I love these new towels?  Benasaurus Rex, and then a little Maggie Elmo.  I love just after bathtime, the joyous naked run around time, the snuggling up in their towels, the lotion/diaper pajama routine with fresh scented babies with wrinkly toes.  I also really love that most nights Daddy does the actual bathing while I get the last part.  I told him he owed me months of me doing bath by myself at night. 

January 12 - 17 weeks!

January 13 - No babies were harmed during this photo.  And surprisingly no one was crying. 

January 14- We missed a day here. 

January 15-17 - We realized when I uploaded that the only pictures we got on these three days were of them eating.  I mean, I guess it is a big part of our day! 

January 18 - No particular reason, just Ben playing with some toys!

January 19 -  My SIL and I are planning a baby shower for Andy's sister who is expecting a little boy in April.  We decided to do diaper cakes for decoration and spent a lot of time on this day rolling diapers! 

January 20 - They had a LONG day.  I had worked a half day in the morning, they had gone to the sitter and afterwards would just not nap.  When they got up all they wanted to do was snuggle on the couch with their milk.  Who would blame them?  Nama T. made them those blankets for Christmas and they are perfect for couch snuggling. 

January 21 - I had left them playing in the living room to empty the dishwasher or something and they were playing nicely and quietly in the living room.  When I came back in Maggie was sitting in this box that the kitchen stuff goes in while Ben was piling things on top of them.  It was so funny I ran for the camera.  Notice Maggie holding her "og-og". 

January 22 - Happy Birthday Nama!  We love chocolate cake!

 

January 23 - Ben in a hoodie is just plain adorable.  He looks like such a little man in his hoodie and jeans.  He was playing in the kitchen and I couldn't resist some photos of Mommy's Little Man. 

January 24 - Andy goes to work very early in the morning.  Since he is not an early to bed kind of guy this has led to him being pretty sleepy when he comes home from work.  This usually coincides with Ben and Maggie getting up from their nap which works out nicely when he is watching them while I get dinner ready.  

January 25 - I took this horrible bathroom belly shot to post a poll on my local board a couple days before our big ultrasound.  I think the votes were like 70% boy, but I guess after twins, you carry any baby afterwards low!  I realized when I was uploading photos that I never took another picture that day, so here ya go!

January 26 - Ah, the jobulator.  I have a love/hate relationship with this thing.  I love that I can get work ahead of time this way, but it is unbelievable how fast jobs will go.  I have to click on an arrow, click details and enter my password and by the time I do that I miss a lot of jobs to someone who must be faster.  Plus, this is an unofficial system (not school system endorsed) that I had to pay $40 to get for the year, but without it I wasn't getting any work.  Too many subs around here!  Besides look at those faces in the background - I have to leave them to accept a job. 

January 27 - This is what happens when you let Daddy take the photo.  Only 3 pictures I think from this day all about as good as this one.  I would like to submit my foot in the background as evidence that I didn't take this picture!  But oh yeah, the big news?  It's a girl!!!   

January 28 - 19 weeks!  I never really got an official 18 weeks.  I'm feeling pretty pregnant and I'm not quite halfway there.  

January 29 - I caught an interesting moment this morning.  I had grabbed my camera on my way in to get the babies up in the morning to try to catch the joy I sometimes see on their faces in the morning.  Instead I found Ben had stripped off his pajamas down to his waist, a new trick that he has repeated another time again this week.  Great, I have a stripper.  Just what I needed!  He had a nasty poopy diaper on this morning so I hope he was just trying to get stripped for that.  I'm also VERY grateful that he didn't get his jammies all the way down and take off his diaper - I have heard horror stories about poop smeared in cribs!

January 30 - Sort of a throwback to the old glider photos, and also a demonstration of another fun new skill - climbing onto the glider.  My little monkeys. 

 

 

January 31 - Look at the progress on our nursery!  We're almost halfway there, and now that we know it is a little girl we just need to paint!  And pick out bedding!  And order the furniture.  And clean out a closet.  And. . .oh yeah, straighten up the disaster that is our office while figuring out where to put it somewhere else in our house.  Plenty of time, Andy keeps saying, plenty of time.  

This is a much better photo for the day.  Aw, Ben playing with boats in the bathtub.  He loves his new Ernie and Elmo boat.  

February 1 - Doing a very nice demonstration of playing together.  Ben has really been into puzzles lately and he's pretty good at them.  They really do get along well almost all day long.  But when they fight. . .man, I really wish I had better solutions for that!

All in all, just plugging along here one day at a time.  I have ups and downs, and I hope that things start looking up soon.  I'll try to post a little sooner with my next update, I can't believe how far I got behind in posting.  All this without having a whole lot to do most days. . .might have something to do with those little people of mine that need a lot of supervision and who aren't napping well.  That could be it.