No you can't call an elephant

You can't call an elephant. One of the many songs from Jack's Big Music Show that get stuck in my head from time to time. You can't call an elephant, apparently, and you can't hide an elephant in the room. My current elephant has I think been the reason I haven't been able to update this blog recently. You know what they say about the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about? I wasn't sure if I wanted to even put this here, but it's my blog, and I think to most of the people who read my blog it probably is pretty obvious. I finally went to the doctor a week and a half ago, and he diagnosed me with depression.

I had waited a long time to go, had put it off, and had been unwilling to be medicated for what I saw as my own personal failure. I think I'm finally understanding that depression can be caused by circumstances, and that I don't have to feel guilty that my circumstances led me to this. I have 11 month old twins, a full time job, and I spend my evenings alone with people who can't talk. It's lonely, it's frustrating, and things had been sliding out from underneath me. I've never been the world's neatest person, but I've never in my life felt so incapable of doing the housework. Not only not having time, but not having energy, or not having the skills to accomplish those little goals I would try to make for myself. Then, I would feel guilty about it. All I've wanted to do lately? Sleep. And waste time online. I've been running on empty, and it caught up with me. I know that part of it was the hormone changes that come with the weaning we've started to do. One thing led to another, and I ended up going to the doctor and things are starting to look up. Medication is going to help me be a better Mommy. I'm okay with that.

I can't believe I'm planning a first birthday party. I can't believe how laid back we have been about the whole thing so far. I'm a little freaked out that it is in three weeks and we don't have much planned. Where did the time go? Where did my babies go? My little, scrawny, cuddly babies have turned into these big, squirmy, strong babies that are looking more and more like kids instead of babies. They are developing personality, new skills, and a certain ornery attitude that is making me see glimpses of a scary future.

On to the photos, I need to get to bed!

March 10 - The actual 11 month birthday. I wanted to at least get them with their stickers, and this is what kept happening. People kept crawling away. I decided to just go with it.

March 11 - Bedtime has also gotten exciting. I let them have bottles in bed with me and they can hang out until they fall asleep or get rowdy. This looks like a night where Ben would have been booted out to his crib. We have a no crawling on the bed rule at bedtime that is strictly enforced.
March 12 - My SIL Sarah and I worked this day on assembling all of the birthday party invitations. I should have put one in here, but I can't manage to rearrange photos on Blogger. Maybe next time. The photo albums were supposed to keep them flat, but they all ended up curling a little on the ends. Sigh.
March 13 - Not only is the shirt appropriate, it is a 12 month. And it is tight on my baby boy!
We went out to celebrate Andy's Grandma's birthday, and I loved this picture of Maggie and I. People say she looks like me all the time. . .I think it's only if you don't know my husband, but I love the compliment!
March 14 - We went to visit Cousin Ryan, and Ben and Maggie were fascinated with his bouncer. I must not have taken any photos of the baby we went to see, because I would have posted that instead of this not so exciting action shot.
March 15 - The babies slept in their carseats after the babysitter and took a 2 1/2 hour afternoon nap. Unheard of! By the time they woke up and we started dinner? 8:06! That is usually bedtime, but I wasn't going to complain about the long nap!
March 16 - We had a playdate with our friend Trig. You know what's harder than getting two babies to look at the camera? Getting three. Oh well, here is a lovely shot of the back of all of their heads. And their identities can be kept private.
March 17 - Happy St. Patrick's Day! In honor of the holiday, I threw a wild and crazy party. Instead of sitting home by myself with my little ones, I invited my Grandma over for a traditional St. Patrick's day dinner (corned beef, cabbage, potatoes, rye bread. . .everything but the carrots I forgot). Since Grandma doesn't like to drive at night, we invited Aunt Joannie. And because I love making old people happy, we invited Sybil. And Lois. And Joannie's mom Fran. All in all, babies and old ladies made for a fun dinner party. Ben had already hit the crib at this point, so here is Maggie hanging with the girls.
March 18 - Maggie learned how to clap! It's adorable. She does it when music is playing, during the Jack theme song, when other people say "Yay!" and on Saturday she was pushing the button on her train that plays the song and clapping each sign. Brilliant, I tell you.
March 19 - Now this is a photo. I think I was trying to capture the fact that Aunt Sarah came over to babysit so I could go out with some friends. What it really just looks like is hillbilly babies in onesies without pants messing with stuff. Either way.
March 20 - We went to our friend Parker's first birthday party. It was a St. Patrick's Day theme, so we all got festive. They looked stinking adorable in their outfits and a good time was had by all.
Hello Ryan! We went to visit my nephew again after the party, and I caught him with his eyes open. He really looks like Andy's brother Matt. And he's sweet. March 21 - I am pretty sure that babies this age are supposed to be doing the whole parallel play thing where they play in the same space but not together. Don't tell that to our little ones who will laugh with each other, tag team on emptying a basket of laundry, and on this day, push each other around boxes. Well, mainly just Ben pushing Maggie around. And over. But it was hysterical and there was much giggling. And yes, he's in a diaper and she's in Christmas jammies. We're not perfect. March 22 - Today I came home for a half day because our babysitter's son was sick. Ben is pretty congested and crabby too. It worked out where most of the afternoon I had one baby sleeping and only the one awake. Maggie spent like 45 minutes playing with the Busy Ball Popper. I love that thing. We gave it to them for Christmas and while they found it interesting and fun at Christmas, now they know how to put the balls back on the ramp. They can crawl after them and bring them back. I really enjoyed the one on one interaction with both of them. Maggie I think enjoyed pretending she was an only child with a stay at home Mom. We read books, we played, we pointed, and I felt guilty that I can't do that mroe often. The team approach makes it hard to feel like I'm enriching their brains appropriately. I'm going to try harder, and as soon as I'm done nursing, I really want to get books back in the bedtime routine. Spring has sprung here, and I am looking forward to more daylight hours for photos and maybe actually spending some time outside. Things are looking up, and I'm feeling like I have more energy every day. They're sleeping better, I'm sleeping better, and if the laundry backs up, it backs up. No more elephant in this room.