Growing Up and Other Scary Thoughts

I have been doing a lot of subbing lately.  Unlike the fall where I had my long term assignment and got to know a few classes of kids at once, I am just the day to day sub now, going into a class for a day, making some snap judgements and trying to keep order and survive the day.  I also, on an awkward note, have to go into each building now and assess in the morning where I can pump.  Luckily, I really only need to do it once now, at lunchtime.  Typically I can shut the door to the room I am in, eat my lunch and be fine.

That is how it should go.  So far now, I have had a student walk in while I was pumping (hopefully he had no idea what was going on), had to pump in an unlocked conference room, walked into an "open concept room" that didn't have walls, and pumped in the guidance office with a window.  Adventures in pumping.  Usually, being a school, I can find a kind looking woman to ask.  Plenty of teachers have kids, and plenty have been there.  It is kind of empowering in a breastfeeding sisterhood kind of way.  Also, kind of a pain in the ass.

Where was I going when I started?  I was thinking about the kids in these classes.  In the past week or so I have had both Kindergarten and 7th grade.  There are scary kids in both of these grades.  I know I've said this before, and talked about it, but I really wonder what my kids are going to be like when they get older.  I try to live in our not quite three year old world, but every time I sub, every time I have a new class, I look around and think a few different things.  First, I usually can pick out the kids I hope they could be like.  The other day in Kindergarten, it was a little boy named Sam who had dark brown eyes, was on the short side, and seemed very concerned about others.  He was the first one to tell me someone was crying, first one to offer to walk another classmate to the nurse (I had two go home sick that afternoon, at least four to the clinic).  And I thought, Ben.  Ben could be that kid.  Caring, kind, nice.

And then I usually pick out the kid I don't want them to be.  This same class had a girl I will call A.  She actually reminded me of Maggie, but I think she probably had something going on that will get her services later on.  But she had a petite frame, dark brown eyes, brown hair.  And she was having a temper tantrum about something that sounded like the world was ending.  She sounded a lot like Maggie during a tantrum, but this girl was 5 or 6, not 2 1/2.  And I thought, please.  Don't let her be like that when she goes to Kindergarten.

And let's not even think about middle school.  How does your sweet little child who wraps around your legs and says I love you Mommy, and loves their puppy, and sneaks kisses to their baby sister turn into those angry, pimpled, grungy clothes wearing teenagers with long scraggly hair?  And how do you prevent your child from turning into that?  There are also the kids who are just painfully awkward, or who have loud, obnoxious personalities.  

How much of their future and their personality are we sculpting right now?  I see the good and the bad in me coming out in both of them.  They have both repeated things I wish they hadn't.  Luckily, no one has picked up any swear words.  But there are crabby words and phrases in there.  One of the things Ben has been going around saying when he is frustrated is "I'm done."  It seemed weird, and not being used quite right.  So today, we were trying to chase them upstairs at naptime, and Ben was supposed to be picking up his grapes and instead was tossing them.  After a couple rounds of me saying "No, put them in the bowl" and him saying "they are like balls Mommy!" I finally snatched the bowl and said, "Enough, I'm done!"  It was one of those lightbulb moments.  So I guess it is something that you can say when you are mad or frustrated.

Maggie talks to Mia sometimes like she is the Mommy and Mia is her baby.  She uses that Mommyease tone, calls her a cute little baby and singsongs things to her.  Very cute, very mini Mommy.          

We registered for Preschool.  Preschool!!!  How in the world do I have children old enough for preschool?  They will be going to school three days a week for two hours a day starting in September.  I hope they love it.  I know I will love it, once we get into the routine.  Imagine, being out of the house, having them in school, and having just the baby.  Who won't exactly be a baby, but I can imagine taking her to storytime by herself, or shopping, or for coffee.  Assuming, I guess, that I don't have a job next year.  But having just one child at a time for a few hours a week?  Sounds crazily easy.  :-)

I worry about them going to school.  Not academically, because they are bright, they like to learn, and I think they will eat up the singing and the songs and the crafts.  But socially, I worry.  We do two things with them that are school like.  We go to storytime at the library.  We have done it since they were a year and a half old.  Every new session it takes weeks before they warm up to go to the rug and sit with the other kids. They sit on my lap, they stand in front of me, they don't sing the songs even when they know the words.  This scenario makes me worry.

We also go to a music class.  They love music class.  They have been doing it about the same amount of time, and I think they show a lot of progress with the routines, and following directions.  That makes me think maybe they will be okay?  There will be new friends to make, new kids to deal with.  They aren't always very tolerant of other kids.  Other kids bump them, or talk to them, or want to share, and they freak out.  They talk about the other kids like they are not there.  I realize that I will be involved in their school, that we will meet other moms and dads of preschool kids.  Social life here we come?  We have awhile to worry about it, and to prepare for it.  To work on appropriate outfits to leave the house in, and getting up early enough to be somewhere by 9.

I haven't taken a lot of photos since Valentine's Day, and today is the first day of my H week.  So far, I have two options, and I thought I would share both for now.  I messed with both of them a little, just the levels, and brightness.  I'm not sure if I like them messed with.  I did also do a little blemish control on Mia, she has a few scratches.  That was pretty neat.  

Hee Haw Hat (Ben's name for it, and truly, it should be a photo of him, but this one is just so damn cute!)

Helping Mommy

Until later. . .