I'm a Quitter.

I decided this week that I am done with Project 365.  This year (and yeah, I know it is almost April so a weird start for a resolution) I've decided that I need to focus on the quality of my pictures and not just making sure I get one every day.  Because as much as I am sure you love the end of the day random crap photos I take all too often, I am getting tired of feeling guilty when I forget and a taking a photo of the cat at 11:47 at night when I should be getting ready for bed.  I would really like to find the time to actually try to learn more about how to take better photos.  I know that I have always felt I have part of the artistic part down, I know my subjects, I try to watch composition and lighting, but I need to learn more about what my camera can do for me.  I have a flash, I have a portrait lens that has been lonely in my bag, and what I need to do is more research on how to tweak my technique to have more photos to be proud of. 

Now it's just finding the time to do so. 

Other things I would like to quit: 

• Fighting with the government.  I really am sick of the department of Job and Family Services making things so hard for me to work part time and ask for the support we need when work is scarce.  I am now on my third appeal for an incident that took place in November where it was too late to arrange for a sitter and I had to say no to a day of subbing.  They want to take back 10 weeks of what I had been paid and have denied an additional 6 weeks of compensation.  The entire system really is set up where if I had just stayed home, not subbed, and applied twice a week to jobs I wasn't qualified for, I would not be having these issues now. 
• Whiny children.  I was thinking the other day how I would just like to call off for the day of being a Mom and have someone else deal with my kids.  They have been so whiny lately, and everything is drama, and they scream at me with what they want, and it has all I have been able to do some days to not cry or pull my hair out.  And then the little one in my belly kicks me, as if to remind me that it's going to get worse before it gets better. 
• Stressing over their birthday party.  It will all fall together, it will not be perfect, it will not be as organized as last year, but I am doing the best I can. 
• Feeling guilty about the house not being clean and organized.  There is no way to do anything while they are awake and when they are finally napping I am exhausted from the morning, and lose any of my morning ambition to get stuff done. 
• Laundry.  I feel like all I do is laundry and dishes.  I don't want to do it anymore.  Between our clothes, their clothes (Maggie went through, I'm not kidding, FOUR pairs of pants today), diapers and towels, I could do a load a day, and if I'm not doing laundry, I'm folding it, or stuffing it, or trying to get it put away.  I'm on strike for a few days while we are painting, somehow our dryer always makes the clothes smell like a gas leak while we are painting. 

Things that are going well (since I don't like just whining in my blog, and it makes my mother worry about me more.  Her worrying results in more phone calls, and me feeling guilty for worrying my mother.  Quite a cycle.)

• Um, potty training?  I'm not sure if you can call this training yet, but Maggie has peed on the potty at least 1-3 times a day for the past 4 days.  She has always liked the sitting on the potty part since we read books, but I have found that she really does better when you're not paying attention.  She will go sit there for awhile, stand up, throw her arms up and yell "Yay Maggie!" when she pees.  If I would let her, she would carry the bowl by herself to the potty to "fwush" it.  Ben likes to help by flushing the potty for her and yelling "Yay Benny!". 
• My pregnancy.  I don't have gestational diabetes, and the doctor has me on low risk, come every 3 weeks so we can weigh you and make you pee in a cup appointments.  It is so weird to not be having ultrasounds or NST's!  I really want to see this little girl again, we never got a good peek at her last time.  I have only gained about 14 pounds, I feel pretty good most of the time, and I'm still wearing my rings.  I cannot stop eating junk and sweets though, and I swear I think I got a cavity today.   
• Um, the weather?  It looks beautiful even if it is still really cold.  The sunshine is nice though, and makes me hopeful that spring will really spring around here soon. 
• I have an Easter dress for Maggie and a maybe shirt for Ben.  It is actually the one I really loved last year at Gymboree, but they didn't have in her size.  I love consignment shopping, and it is the only splurge I have allowed myself lately. 
• The nursery is empty and being painted as I speak type!  I am a little nervous that it is brighter than I was planning but I am sure it will be fine.  We actually ordered the nursery furniture last week and most of it will be delivered this weekend.  So we had a little over a week to 1.  Empty the office, 2.  Prime and paint the nursery and then 3.  Get the basement turned into our home office/playroom.  Well, the last part doesn't actually need to be done until April 9, the day of the party, where we have to use that room for kids and overflow people since if everyone shows up for the party, we will have to put them all somewhere. 

There are no photos for this post.  I actually missed like half of the days this week.  I have some cute photos of a bunch of twins at the museum since I met up with my local MoM friends and some pictures of Kee in the disaster of our living room wearing a collander on his head like a helmet to protect himself, but nothing that I felt like I needed to share. 

So there.  I quit.