Do-Overs and Faking It

So Christmas now has come and gone, and I can't believe it's almost January and 2010. I've decided that although I put a lot of pressure on myself, there is also just a lot of pressure involved with starting traditions and making holidays perfect. First it started with the absolute anxiety ridden state I got myself into worrying about finding Christmas outfits for the babies. I had this vision of spotting the perfect Christmas dress for Maggie. For years, I swear I could walk by the baby department at any department store and find a dress that made me ooh and ahh, and imagine putting a little girl in. Now this year, when I had the adorable little girl to put in an adorable little dress? Nada. I kept walking through stores, looking at the choices, and not liking any of them. By the end of November, I had myself in a panic, picturing the crowds after Thanksgiving who would be buying up the dresses that were available and picturing having nothing for Maggie for Christmas.

I dragged my Mom out the day before Thanksgiving, when we should have been making pies, to find what turned into the perfect dress. Moment saved. Memory in the making. In the week or so that followed, we found the perfect little red shoes, the cardigan with the roses on it, and the outfit for Ben that my Mom happened to have. All set for the next big milestone.

First picture with Santa.

I had heard that one of our local garden centers had a beautiful display and a nice Santa, so we planned to go there the second weekend of December. We called and it turned out that Santa had a "scheduling conflict" so he wouldn't be there that day. We already had the babies dressed and ready to go, so we headed off to our local mall. We got in line because Santa was on break, and out walked this fat man (not in a jolly way) with a fake beard. We almost got out of line, but it was the second weekend in December already, and I was determined to get the photo. Besides, the babies looked adorable, we were there, and with Andy only being home on weekends, we don't have time to redo things. I figured, how bad could it be, right?

This is how bad it could be. Notice the Santa isn't even smiling. This is just the picture I took, I didn't bother scanning the one we felt obligated to pay for. There is an ugly green chair, just a corner of blanket. In the photo they took they cut off Santa's elbows and feet.

We left the mall, and it was bothering me a lot. That is not what I wanted from their first Santa picture. This would be an important photo, a big moment in their lives. I thought about it, I thought about the fact that we had already paid money for the first package.

And then I thought about the pictures that didn't get taken on my wedding day. We forgot to unbundle my train, so there are no pretty shots of the back of my dress. We never got a picture of just me with my parents, and I'm an only child. There is no way to go back and recreate those moments. But this I could fix.

So off I went again with my Mom to yet another mall. For a do-over. This time we had to wait an hour, but it was worth it, wasn't it?Sit back and be prepared, this post contains 40 more photos. Hey, it's probably my last post of the year, and a lot went on this month!

We'll start with their 8 month photos. I can't believe they are 8 months old already! Unlike last month when Ben was still a little wobbly, this month both babies sat up perfectly and smiled for the camera. I had wanted to do the pictures with the pretty glowing light effect, and this is when we decided it would be a good time to do it. So solid foods are going well. Every time we try a new food, we whip out the camera (who is surprised?). I keep waiting for those faces you get of babies hating food, grabbing the spoon, smearing it on their faces. Well, we don't get those kinds of photos usually, we have great eaters. Until we got to beef. I have been making all of my own baby food, and ground beef mixed in with veggies seemed like an easy combo. They hated it. They choked it down, spit it out, and both refused to open their mouths after a few spoonfuls. We decided to let them stay vegetarians for a little while.

Every year, my parents have a Christmas open house, and this year, the babies were a star attraction. My MIL had found these Christmas outfits on clearance and we figured this would be a good time to dress them up in a different holiday outfit. Maggie looked so stinking cute we couldn't stand it. Maggie had been working very hard for the past couple months on growing her hair out. We had been joking that she was growing it out so she could put a bow in it for Christmas. Well. . .The other issue I had was that we didn't have any official Christmas photos. Yeah, I take pictures all the time, but everyone else takes their kids to the mall, or to Portrait Innovations to get the pictures with the fake Christmas backgrounds. Since we decided we wanted to get our families some "official" photos framed for Christmas, off we snuck to the Portrait Innovations the Monday before Christmas for some photos. There were a bunch of cute ones, but this is the one we went with for the package with 700 photos, or whatever it is. Hey, it might be a fake tree and a fake wall behind them, but doesn't it look like the perfect Christmas memory? Besides, they can do much better with lighting and what not than I can. Oh, and they were ready in 15 minutes!We also decided to get family pictures done since we wanted a nice one of the four of us on a white background. Handing the camera off to anyone else never seems to work for me. Oh and who could resist these cuties? Notice the HUGE shoes? Ben's first pair of Buster Browns, and he should be able to wear those for awhile. Until he's walking, it shouldn't matter that they are twice as big as his feet, right?And then we blinked, and it was Christmas Eve. After several days of frantic gift wrapping, last minute shopping, and waiting for UPS to drop off a present for my SIL that STILL hasn't arrived, it was here. Every year we get together with Andy's family on Christmas Eve, and my parents have been joining us for the past few as well. We got everything as ready as we could and headed off to church. Being alone with Ben and Maggie in the back of a crowded church was an experience. Maggie sang along, Ben was crabby, but it didn't matter. I love the Christmas Eve services, and the church we went to didn't disappoint. I have to say, singing Silent Night with the candles lit, and our beautiful babies in our arms this year. . .it was quite a beautiful moment, and it even brought tears to my eyes.

Back at our house, the new stockings were hung on the banister with care. . . Last year, one of my favorite pictures was of Andy and I (and the belly) in front of the tree at his parents Christmas Eve. I think that this year's is even better. Who knew what a difference a year would bring? We had no idea what we were in for. I insisted on baking my own cookies for Santa. They were delicious. We left out our cookies and milk, and Santa left only 1 and a half for the morning. Every year, my Dad read me The Night Before Christmas. I had told Andy it was important to me to read it to them this year. To start the tradition. Well, they were sound asleep by the time we got home from the party at Andy's parents, but while my sugarplums were nestled all snug in their beds (well, our bed, really), we read it anyway. Andy and the dog seemed to enjoy it. And then it was Christmas morning. Andy ended up staying up until 5:30 making everything just right for their first Christmas morning. Both babies ended up sleeping in, so by the time my parents arrived, the dog and I were the only ones awake. Notice the gigantic bear? Andy had spent the entire day before Christmas Eve running around to find the perfect one for Maggie. It was just the sweetest thing. He ended up with two, and they were just perfect. Maggie and her yet to be named bear. And Ben really seems to enjoy his dump truck. It's hard to tell though if he likes it as much as his Daddy does. Another big hit is the train from my parents. We had just about survived Christmas. I had thought of all the work that had gone into the traditions, the wrapping, the baking. The do-overs and the faking it. We had saved going to my parents on Christmas day for last, since my Mom was making dinner. I have been at my parents every single Christmas morning until this year, where they came to us to see the babies open their presents first thing in the morning. We were on our way there when I got a call from my Mom. She was in a bit of a panic because at about 6:15, their power went out. She had a roast in the oven, the table set with her Christmas dishes, presents all laid out under the tree, the babies stockings and ours all by the fireplace. . .and it was dark. We had debated packing everything up and going back to our house, but my Mom I think had been waiting all day for her family to arrive. She really wanted to have us there. So I grabbed a flashlight and started gathering decorative candles. In the end, we lit the house with candlelight, firelight and flashlight for what will be a Christmas I will never forget. Talk about a memory. It was absolutely beautiful, really. The roast was almost done, and the grill was fired up to heat everything up. At one point, playing around with my camera, I got frustrated with the low light and not being able to take a good photo (I'm sure if I had access to the Internet and a tripod, I could have messed with my settings to do better) so I hit the flash. And realized that we could fake the entire evening. Every photo I took, I started taking one without a flash for the candlelit effect, and one with flash for the "it could very well be Christmas morning here" look. I hate using the flash on my camera, but we realized it was the only way to make these memories be at least visible on camera. See this one looks funny with the flash. Why would my Mom be shining the flashlight on the roast if it was this bright?We have discovered that Maggie likes boxes. She was crabby and only cheered up by sitting in a box. And finally, Miss Margaret and the many bears of Christmas.

So all in all, quite a memorable first Christmas. In other news, Ben is almost crawling, but may skip it in favor of rolling everywhere since that seems to be a pretty efficient way to get into trouble (he is heading for the Christmas tree as I am typing this) and we finally put Maggie's 3 month clothes away today. Not necessarily because they don't fit her anymore, but because I'm ready to move her on to bigger and better things. Maggie is shaking her head no all the time, can say Mama and Dada (maybe with meaning?) and Ben is getting on board with that action too, but we're not as sure he means it. Let me tell you, hearing them say Mama? Cutest thing ever. They both have figured out how to pick up Puffs and scrambled eggs to put them in their mouths, and it is amazing that these little babies of ours are getting so big. I don't want to miss a moment, so back to the chaos I go. Because most days, we can't get a do-over around her, and I don't need to fake a thing.

Merry Christmas to all, and I hope that the new year brings everyone everything they can wish for. As for me, I think my wishes already came true.

This is what I waited for

There is a baby curled up against my side with a binkie in his mouth. There is another baby on the other end of the bed rolled up on her side and snoring. I was thinking about how this moment is just right, that years from now I'm going to fondly remember their sweet baby smells, the sight of them sound asleep in a sleep sack in our bed, the smiles, the coos, the cries. Nursing them to sleep.

This is what I waited for.

I was just reading back through my blog looking for belly photos, and ran across the posts I did in April before they were here. When I was just waiting, and wondering, and full of hope and fear and worry. We've made it almost 8 months now, and I'm ready to admit one big thing.

We're pretty good at this. I shouldn't have worried so much.

I'm not trying to brag, but I just have to say that things are going better than expected, at least in regards to the babies. They are still alive, they are thriving, and they are just darn good babies. We had a moment over the weekend when both of them were screaming and crying in their highchairs. We don't have many moments like that and it struck me as funny. I looked at Andy, and I told him - this is what people picture when they can't imagine what life is like with twins. Two screaming babies. That's not how it is here, and I am so grateful.

I thought I would run down some bullet points of things I've learned and things I want to remember.

• I can carry two babies around, bend over pick things up on the floor and get them both upstairs to be changed. Most of the time I can do this without bonking someone's head on the wall. Tonight was not one of those nights.
• Broccoli smells really bad steamed, pureed and even in ice cube form
• Ben has a birthmark on his butt
• Maggie has the most beautiful eyes, people remark on it all the time. She is going to get away with anything she wants when she gets older. God help us all.
• I am amazed by my boobs. They may not be the milk machines I was hoping for, but they keep chugging along. 8 months later we are still using the My Brest Friend pillow, and I still have to hold my boob, but we are still nursing. And they said it couldn't be done.
• Cloth diapering twins is not hard. Really, the only big difference is an extra couple loads of wash a week. And yes, I have found poop in my washing machine. Only during the middle of a wash cycle, and you know what, it cleans up. I've had poop on my foot too, you know what, poop happens.
• Ben has learned to give hugs. He wraps his arms around you and snuggles in. It is utterly adorable. He rolls up onto his side at night when he is on my side of the bed, and loves cuddles.
• Maggie has discovered her loud voice, and says "Ahhhhh" all the time as loud as she can. Sometimes it's kind of like singing. We really need to get it on video.
• They don't cry unless they are hungry or overly tired. They are just happy babies, and we love them to death.
• CIO is not for me. We bought a new king size bed, and while Andy is still on nights, we just all pile in the bed at night and when he comes home, he puts everyone where they need to be. I pump, and it is our hour to spend together. I love sleeping in a pile of babies. I'm sure someday this will be bad, but for now, it is our way of doing it, and it makes for such peaceful sleepy evenings.
• I don't know if we are done having kids. I'm tired of everyone we meet on the street telling me how lucky I was to get a boy and a girl in one shot so we don't have to do it again.

I'm sure there was more of a point to this post, and more sentimental thoughts in my brain when I started. Oh well. The blue one is right here, and I think it's time to snuggle that baby. After all, right here in this bed is what I hoped for, prayed for, and waited for.

'Tis the Season to be Busy

And for that reason, for right now before I lose it or forget, I bring you a mostly wordless post of photos. Beginning with our Christmas card photo shoot (these are pictures we didn't use but I loved), Thanksgiving, and putting up my parents tree, I bring you what we have been up to. I will try to come back and edit this post later, but I have a million things to do today, and I know that my pictures stand alone for me most posts.

Enjoy. We certainly do, every single day.