Happy Birthday Sunshine

Tomorrow is Mia's first birthday.  I can't even believe it was a year ago that we were only a family of four.  Tomorrow, we are having Mia's first birthday party.  When I first started talking about a theme, I ran across something that was a perfect fit for Mia.  (We won't go into how Andy doesn't understand why you can't just use "birthday party" as the theme).  I have been planning it, going through the preparations, picking things out and thinking about how this year has been such a great one for our family.  And the theme of her party?

You are my sunshine.

And sweetheart, you are.  Since the moment you were born, you have brought nothing but sunshine into our lives.  We went from tired parents dealing with two year olds who were testing and fighting, and just being toddlers, to parents who also had this happy, smiling newborn to remind them that children are supposed to be a joy, not just a challenge.  Having the experience of having you the "normal" way, keeping you with me from the moment you were born, and having you breastfeed right away and without issues, you gave me an experience that made me feel so much better about being a Mom.  Everything has felt natural with you.  Except for in the beginning where I would forget that you needed to have your head supported while I was helping your sister on the potty, or something like that, I have been able to cart you around in one arm and do everything else with one hand.  I know that having twins first might make you seem like a breeze, and I hope I'm not offending everyone who doesn't have twins because I say that all the time.  It could be having one, it could just be you.  But one baby is just easy!  

You are easily the happiest baby anyone knows.  Since well before I think you were supposed to do it, you have smiled all the time.  I do wonder occasionally if it is the fact that I had been on Zoloft my entire pregnancy and your entire nursing career, but I really hope it is just your personality. You are loving and snuggly, and have a big wide open smile that you give to your Mommy and Daddy and brother and sister all the time.  When you are around other people, you might be a little more shy, so you snuggle on Mommy or Daddy's shoulder and peek at them with a shy smile.  You are social.  I don't know if it is just because you have Ben and Maggie to watch all the time, but you are just the most engaging baby.  People talk about you all the time when you are out with us.  You ride in the cart, or the stroller and wiggle back and forth like you are saying "go, go, go" with your body and your arms.  You like going fast.  You like the car moving, and you love going "bye bye" with us in the carseat.

And we go bye-bye all the time.  You go to the zoo, the playground, the beauty salon, the library, everywhere the twins go.  I have perfected the three kids, one double stroller thing by either carting you around in a Moby or the Becco, or putting you in the double with Maggie or Ben and having one of them walk.  It is actually not that hard to do, but people look at me like I am superwoman sometimes for doing things with all of you in tow.

Having the three of you is amazing.  Being an only child I don't know if I ever really understood what it would mean to add a sibling to the family.  Bringing you home made me realize that you don't just belong to us, you belong to them.  You will always be their baby sister, and from the beginning, my darling, how they have loved you.  I was putting together the slideshow for your birthday party, and there were so many pictures of you with your sister.  The pictures of her meeting you in the hospital, and looking at your tiny toes, and kissing you.  So many times this year I have asked one of them to hold you for a picture, and Maggie is always the one reaching for you.  She described, out of the blue, about a month ago, coming to see you in the hospital.  As near as I can tell, you are her first real memory.

The moments that melt my heart are you with them.  Seeing them hug and kiss you, rub your head, sing to you when you are sad, climb into your crib to comfort you when you are crying and Mommy is in the shower, just seeing that makes my heart just swell.  Having three under three was not the plan.  You are by far, the best surprise I have ever gotten.  But having you close in age I hope will keep you close.  The three of you will grow up together, and if we raise you the way I hope to, you will always be friends, there to love and support each other.

You are a smart little girl.  You talk all the time, in these long strings of vowels and consonants, sometimes sounding like real words, sometimes sounding like, well, a chicken.  We actually think Bocka Bocka means Maggie.  Ben is Buh.  You say Daddy, Dada (which means me too), hi, bye bye, bread, uh-oh, and a bunch of other things that sound like you are repeating what we say.  You surely like to be heard.  When your Great Grandpa passed away, we took you to the church and graveside services, and you talked the whole time.  Happy sounds, so no one minded.  I told everyone you had a lot to say to God that day.

You wave, you clap, you blow kisses and play peekaboo.  When you are tired, you rub your eyes and want your Mama.  We will not be weaning anytime soon, you are still very Mommy dependent, and I honestly don't know another way to put you to sleep.  You are crawling very fast now, pulling up on things and even cruising a bit on the couch or pushing along a toy.  You sometimes crawl with your legs straight and your butt up in the air, something silly to see, and I have no idea where it came from.  You are attempting to climb the stairs and know you are being naughty when you do it.

Speaking of naughty, you are so funny to me when you are being bad.  Maybe it is because I have seen the other side of toddlerhood, and it isn't pretty.  When I find you splashing in the dog dish, or pulling on my laptop cord, or throwing your food to the dog and saying Uh-Oh, it is hard not to smile.  Ben and Maggie like to help, they say "Trouble, Mia" and try to help me keep an eye on you.  They are not as good as they were, or maybe it is just that you are getting older, but it is much harder to keep track of you.  You are a girl on the move.

Bread.  Bread, bread, bread right now, that is all you want to eat.  I butter it, in our constant attempt to fatten you up just a little, and you will have one to two pieces a meal.  You are an awesome eater, always have been, and I hope you stay that way, but remember that the other kids at the breakfast table who exist on sunshine and rainbows used to be good eaters too.

I can't believe you are going to be one.  It seems like it went by so fast, and I am not ready for you to grow up.  You are my baby, you are our baby, and I will miss this so much when you get bigger.  You know, I knew as soon as we had the twins that our family wasn't complete.  That I wanted to do this again.  When I lost my job, and lost a baby, I thought there was no way things would get better.

And then there was you.  Mia, my sweet baby girl, you changed my life for the better.  You have made me a better Mommy, brought sunshine into my life.  It's funny, because I know as a Mommy how much kids need their parents.  I pick you up when you are crying and you put your head on me, you calm down.  Your breath slows to normal, your heart rate slows down.  I can feel you physically calming down just from being held by your Mommy.  But the thing is, I can't tell you how many times over this past year that I picked you up, snuggled you close, sniffed your head, nuzzled your cheek, and felt the same feelings in myself.  Calming down.  Feeling better.  Because of you.

I love you Amelia Elizabeth.  You are my Sunshine, my Littlest Sunshine, and you surely make me happy when skies are grey.

Newborn

1 month

2 months

3 months

4 months

5 months

6 months

7 months

8 months

9 months

10 months

11 months

12 months

Happy Birthday Mia!  Maybe next year you will have hair and teeth :-)

Love, Mommy

This Damn House

In a couple of days, I promise, there will be a birthday post for Mia.  I have not blogged in awhile, and I have been trying to think of good happy subjects.  But right now, there is this other thing that keeps getting in the way.

Selling the damn house.

This is going to be long, whiny, and bitter, but there should be some cute photos somewhere, so just hang on.

Our condo is for sale, and it has been on the market solid for about 9 months now, and it had been on the market before for about 6.  I have wanted to move out of it since we got married almost 6 years ago.

Yesterday, we went to some open houses.  In the past we have been able to eliminate at least a couple places we see, but this time, the three houses we went to were all great.  All houses we could imagine ourselves in, nice big shaded backyards, old trees, better layout, more room, you know, everything I was looking for.  You know how you aren't supposed to go grocery shopping when you are hungry?  I think for me, this is kind of true about shopping for houses in the summer.  I was lusting after the yards in these houses, after spending the morning playing in the pool in our driveway.

Don't get me wrong, we can live in our house.  It has enough bedrooms, working bathrooms, room for us and all our stuff (kind of).  We can afford the payment, we aren't in a relocating situation or anything like that.  We just don't want to be here anymore.

I want my kids to be able to play in the backyard.  And have a space for their toys that isn't our living room.  And to have a pretty open kitchen where I can see them.  Nothing super fancy.  Nothing super new, or needing to be perfect.  We are willing to work on a fixer upper as long as it is liveable.  We can paint, we can tear down wallpaper and paneling, we can do floors, drywall, repairs.  We just want somewhere that will be home, our home, instead of feeling like where we are is temporary.

I'm tired of playing in the driveway.  The kids deserve more.  The dog deserves more.  The one that was my favorite hadn't been on the market more than a couple of weeks.  Unless we sell our place pretty soon, I doubt it will last on the market.  So pretty.  I could picture Mia's birthday party there, how I would decorate, etc.  Instead, her party is at my inlaws, we have stopped doing anything but cleaning and decluttering here, because we don't want to live here anymore.

Whine, whine, moan, grumble. . .We watch HGTV, and the DIY network.  And just imagine that someday, we will not live here, and that we can do all those things we want to.

Okay, pictures, as promised.  I am tons and tons of weeks behind on my project 52 (and really, I have no idea how I would catch up, but I do think this week I have a good entry for W.  Which is what I should be on.

W is for Water.

We were washing the dog in the driveway, and had the pool set up, so the kids of course were running around in their bathing suits.  Speaking of which, um, how much trouble does THIS look like?  "Let mommy take your picture in your new bathing suit", and THIS is what happens??

I don't really have much else to add, Mia had an eleven day virus, that made all of us kind of miserable, and she was just sweet, clingy, not sleeping baby, I had a birthday and turned 34, which was really no different than being 33, except I think that it felt weird because I don't remember ever telling anyone last year that I WAS 33, so it felt weird for the number to change.

Whatever, I'm old, I'm feeling very fat these days, and I am crabby about the house situation.

Here are some more cute photos of my kids.  You're welcome.

Honoring Ainsley

Many of you know that a very good friend of mine blogs at Maybe if You Just Relax.  I have known Jen since before we both got married, and in the past couple of years she has gone through more than any mother should have to endure, and has done it with a strength and grace she shouldn't have to have.  She is an amazing person, with beautiful daughters.

Last December, Jen gave birth to identical twin girls.  Evelyn was born still, and Ainsley was tiny but a fighter, and spent her whole life fighting to breathe.  On Saturday, her tiny body was too tired to keep fighting, and she passed away.  At 16 months old.

I can't imagine her loss.  I can't imagine her pain.  As a mother, I look at my three sweet babies and think "What if?"  As a friend, I have tried to think of anything I can possibly do to ease her pain, just a little.  A group of us decided that one way we could honor Ainsley would be to simple spend more time with our loved ones, free of distractions.  Below is what I posted on Facebook.  Please feel free to reblog, tweet, post to Facebook, whatever to get the word out.

On Wednesday, May 15 from 5-8pm, we will show our support by showing our love.  I'm hoping this idea spreads like wildfire.

On Saturday, my friend Jennifer Knepper lost her 16 month old daughter after a lifelong battle in the NICU.  I will always remember her goofy grin and the joy she brought to her family, and by extension all of us.  Tomorrow night, from 5-8, the Knepper family will be having a Memorial Service for Ainsley.  During that time I will not be posting anywhere on the internet, but instead be honoring her too short life by spending time with my own family and thinking of them.  Bubbles will also be blown to show Ainsley and Evelyn our love for them.  I encourage anyone who can to honor Ainsley and her family in a similar fashion.  No one should have to lose a child.  Losing two in less than two years is unimaginable.  Hug your loved ones and remember that life is fragile and tomorrow is never a guarantee.

If you want to learn more about their family, read about them here.  http://www.jennepper.com  If you want to do something to help, many things are in the works.  You can contact knepperfamilydonations@gmail.com to find ou tmore.

 

More Pictures

Another drive by picture post, because I am really freaking busy.  Mia is mobile, and at the moment actually pulling tissues out of a box.  Maggie and Ben continue their quest to keep every toy they own out at the same time, and steal my laundry baskets to cart their crap around.  We had three showings in the past few days, have an actual potential buyer(!) so we are trying to up our looking for a place to move TO if our place actually, finally sells.

So, I give you pictures.  This will probably garner complaints from a couple of my loyal readers who already saw all these, but for people who didn't, here are the photos we had taken at the beginning of April for winning a photo contest with a local photographer.  She did a good job with terrible subjects that day, and I used my new photoshop editing techniques to make them what I wanted.  Here is our family shoot!