Just Keep Swimming

I'm expecting a break down any day now.  The summer is very quickly winding down, backpacks have arrived, lunch boxes ordered, schools supplies in the dining room ready to be labeled. . . .and I am a mess.  I have been telling people that I have been okay with Ben and Maggie starting Kindergarten.  They are ready.  They are excited.  Maggie has asked me if there will be books there, and is super excited to learn how to read.  Ben is more hesitant, but is pretty excited too.  They ask me how many more days, how many more sleeps, and we talk about what they will do at school.  We got our first official mail from the school last week - bus stop assignments.  

I'm not ready.  

I have ordered lunch box supplies, starting pinning all those sites that seemed crazy a couple of years ago, and am thinking of the bento kind of lunches.  Forget that at home they have sandwiches most days, cheese quesadillas on many, I am hoping for nutritious and tasty and healthy in their school lunch boxes.  I have debated thermoses, ice packs, and water bottles.  We searched high and low (and all over the land of Amazon) for the perfect Minion lunch box for Ben.  We've done some back to school shopping, need to find Ben new tennis shoes this week, and I'm trying to remind Maggie to brush her hair every day.  We are pushing up bedtime, and trying to get them back into a routine.  

I'm not ready.  

I have told many people that I am NOT ready for Mia to go to preschool.  That my baby, my girl, my last one who if she was my only, would probably not be going, because she doesn't seem ready, will be in preschool in a month.  That she will be away from me for long stretches, be fed a snack in an environment that I know will be safe but freaks me out, and she will make friends, and talk too loud, and quite possibly cry when I drop her off.  

I'm not ready.  

We have successfully transitioned most of the time to her in underpants all day.  Minimal accidents if you remind her to go.  She usually forgets to wipe.  She can't reach the sink.  But she is wearing underpants, and sleeping in a toddler bed, and acting so much like a classic little threenager that I can't stand her sometimes.  

I'm not ready.  

For all of the days I have wished for some time to myself, when I have had too many children and not enough time, when I have been willing to hand them off to the next person walking by with a dog so I could run to the office real quick, to the days we hung out in our pajamas all day, to the days filled with bickering and crying. . . 

For the days we went to the park, to the library, to the zoo, just because we could, to enjoy the time of having little ones free during the day when they were at their best, for the days we snuggled, and cuddled and giggled, and did art, or baking or bubbles. . .

In a week, they are in school.  They are tied to a schedule, part of the system, school age.  I worry.  Oh, do I worry.  I think about the other kids, will they be kind, will they like them.  Will they teach them naughtier words, or meanness, or teach them to not believe in magic.  And Santa Claus.  Will they be full of the same curious spirits they are at home, or quiet in a group of 24.  Will Ben find friends like him, the quieter boys who like cats and playing pretend and books and love their Mama.  Will Maggie find girlfriends who can giggle and play and not be full of sassiness and drama?  

I've spent a lot of time dreaming of the day when all of them would be gone at the same time, and I have visions of using that time productively towards work, and keeping the house cleaner, and menu planning.  I will be down two whole kids all day, and I will have one most of the time.  I can't even imagine what this will be like.  I have never had one kid alone for any extended amount of time.  I have had a couple of weekends with just Mia, and of course shopping trips with one of them at a time, but never a whole week to plan what I could accomplish with one kid.  It's strange.  I'm actually looking forward to it, but then dreading missing my older two.  

There are days they play together perfectly.  They are quiet, they are creative, no one is yelling, or bickering or getting their feelings hurt.  Mia is frequently the cat, or the baby, and Maggie and Ben boss her around.  She tolerates it for a bit.  They do puzzles, they help with chores, we snuggle on the couch and watch TV.  These are the days I will miss.  These are the days I can't believe are coming to an end.  We will have summers, and breaks, but my season of mothering them almost full time is coming to an end.  

I feel like a fraud.  Who am I to say that I am the mom of a school age child, I'll be on the PTA.  A Mom.  I'll need to be together with homework and forms, and lunches and getting them to the bus exactly on time, not just close to on time and driving faster, like preschool.  

I'm just not ready.  But we move on, right?  My life has been constantly changing.  It's a new season in my life, a new role to fill, a new normal.  Big changes, big worries, big kids growing up and taking on the world.  And just like our favorite little fish, we will just keep swimming, just keep swimming. . . 

And that is my not so subtle transition to vacation and swim lesson photos.  The end of the summer.  The end of this season of motherhood.  Lots and lots of photos.  Enjoy.  

Miss Mia did vacation photos well this year.  We spent a week with my parents at their place in Holmes Beach, Florida.  We love Anna Maria Island!      

Well really, they all did this year.  Beach photos are fun.  They are pretty easy.  There are a lot of them in this post.  You are welcome.   

Mia got these flippers for her birthday, which actually fit perfectly, and made her "swim very fast in da wadder."

By the way, while I was posting that last picture, I was thinking I remembered one from our last trip that I loved.  Wasn't this just yesterday?  Look at difference!  Babies, below at 20 months, lean, long legged almost school age kids above.

We went out to a ton of restaurants.  The kids were well behaved.  We had no issues with Mia's allergies, every where we went was very accommodating, or we brought food for her from home.  I miss seafood already.    

Maggie got to be the kid who went to urgent care while we were there.  After waking up one morning with a bug bite that started to look like a tick bite, we took her in.  No lyme disease, but good thing we took her in, because that it turned out that the swelling on her lip that made her look like Maggie Loo Hoo for a couple of days was cellulitis.  We had popped what looked like a pimple in her nose, thought the swelling was from irritation from that.  Oops.  

We took a trip back to on old favorite, the Mote Marine Laboratory and Aquarium.  The kids were so interested in everything, asked tons of questions, and enjoyed all the touch tanks.  It reminded me of the days long ago that I wanted to be a marine biologist.

Of course, the kids were super excited to find Nemo and some of his pals.  

This is another photo that brought back memories.  Seeing my kids in some of these settings, and clearly remembering their younger selves was a strange experience for me.  I mean, I see them all the time in places we have always gone.  Our house, the playground, the library, the zoo.  But this trip was very nostalgic!  

We followed around some neighborhood peacocks.

We took a boat tour that was so much fun.  We saw dolphins, and manatees, and their were dogs on the boat, the kids were thrilled.  

This is a manatee under the water.  We were so close!

These are just some cute sailors I found.

The last night we were there, I really wanted to get some good sunset pictures.  We literally raced to a nearby beach after dinner ran over, and I got some of my favorite pictures ever of Ben and Maggie together.  Mia was not as cooperative, but we got by.

These two.  Seriously.  They started posing like I was taking their engagement photos, lol.  Best friends.  They love each other so much, and I don't think they can imagine life without each other.  I hope they are always friends.  I hope that Ben talks to her about girl problems, that she calls him all the time when they are older to just check in.  My babies look so old in these pictures!

There is always that one sister. . .

Back home, the rest of summer has flown by in a flash.  We had the annual family reunion the first week in August.

My Guamy girls.  Andy helped Maggie to win an auction of this necklace.  I can't remember what they are called, but they are worn at weddings, funerals, and the family reunion by both men and women.  Look at my beautiful brown eyed girls.

Ben won a puppy in the auction to add to his posse.  This kid does love his animals, real and stuffed.

Goofballs.  I was told they were playing Fashion Girls, but there seemed to be a random Viking running around. . .

We have been taking swim lessons at Kent State, and they are progressing so much!

This is actually a picture of Ben.  He goes underwater so well now!

And lastly this.  It's never too early to start a Starbucks addiction, right?  It's Lemonade, no worries.

So we keep swimming.  And playing.  And trying to squeeze in the last days of my stay at home mommyhood experience.  We will try for the zoo.  We will snuggle in bed and on the couch.  We will get ready, ready or not, for this new experience next week.  I will try, very hard, to keep it together, to keep the fear, the anxiety and the sadness at bay.  Where did five years go?

I just need to read back in this blog to remember.  What a difference the years make, and what awesome kids I have been lucky enough to raise up this far.  In a week, I bequeath them to the world of school.  I hope it treats them well.